A weblog covering the San Diego Padres.

Friday, May 07, 2004

Doug Christie, Disgrace to MANkind

I can't get over this guy. GAHHHHHHHH.

I've read several similar articles, but this one's recent and just as annoying. The author was trying to paint a nice picture too, it's MUCH worse than he paints it.

Anyway, here's the story:


WASHINGTON, D.C., May, 1 – Doug Christie sends 50-60 hand signals to his wife a game, with each signal conveying the same three-word message: “I love you.”

The repetitive act is considered voluntary, in a way an obsessive-compulsive type might voluntarily spend an hour fiddling with a door handle to confirm it is locked.

There is Stepford Wife-like quality to all this, only Christie is a Stepford husband, obedient and submissive to a fault.

The unique love between Doug and Jackie is stuffed with labor-intensive actions and an all-knowing command structure.

The wife is in charge of monitoring the deportment of the husband, especially when he is in the vicinity of other women.

Female reporters are not allowed to interview the husband unless the wife is present.

When Christie was a member of the Raptors, the wife once made a fuss with a female fan who was seeking an autograph and a kiss from him.

The wife runs the family like a police state, starting with a husband who apparently could be susceptible to the charms of another woman.

So the wife, just to be on the safe side, flies on the team’s charter to 25-30 road games a season. She tails the team bus, from the airport to the hotel, from the hotel to the arena, with a cell phone stuck to her ear and the husband on the other end.

They exchange handwritten notes to one another before each game, with the help of a team attendant.

They have three children and a marriage ceremony each July 8, the date of their anniversary.

The husband thinks it is odd that anyone would think their marriage is odd.

It is how he wants it to be, he says, right down to the 50-60 hand signals a game.

Christie is allowed to look at other women, although preferably in a business-related activity.

Both husband and wife make allowances if a woman is serving them a meal at a restaurant, which is mighty considerate of them.

Even then, a woman trying to do her job around the husband and wife is urged to be careful, if the claims of a former female publicist with the Kings are credible. She says she lost her job after leaving a work-related message on Christie’s answering machine. She felt strongly enough to file a lawsuit against both the Kings and the husband and wife last year.

The ex-publicist probably erred in not sending hand signals to the husband and wife.

No one disputes the stress the NBA lifestyle imposes on a marriage.

Temptation is usually lurking in the hotel lobby on the road.

Yet Doug and Jackie Christie, in attempting to address the temptation, have removed trust from their environment. The wife only trusts as long as she is able to verify. That approach was fine in the arms race between two nations, but hardly a sustaining prescription for a successful marriage.

Doug and Jackie Christie are attempting to prove otherwise, the skeptics be darned. The same with those who snicker from afar.

Shaquille O’Neal, the social lug who has a lot of clown in him, caused a momentary stir in Sacramento in 2002, when he pronounced his big toe to be in good shape after “I had Doug Christie’s wife massage it for me.”

Christie can understand how his subservience could be interpreted as wimpy. But as he points out, he does not pull on his short leash. He has no objections with the relationship at all.

Give Christie this. He is hard-nosed competitor between those ubiquitous hand signals to his wife.

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